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getting up ... Fragmented

some point come to bed 5:00 to 6:00. got up at 13:30.
pussy, kajal smeared nagellackverkratzt. Photos made.

view from living room and bedroom. As the house is on a slope and my windows are directed up the slope, I have unfortunately no great sight. But when I'm sitting at the window directly on the PC, I see on the horizon but a large piece of heaven ...
the bushes outside the windows is quite enjoyable - especially when there are occasionally a few birds in it.

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live in rags. Winds of thoughts about blow, but incomprehensible, and certainly not verifiable. Forced reflection. Slain mirror images.
on the border wipe lived and suppressed madness. " So much darkness. No light. Only darkness. And there is always someone there who cares for her. "

And nothing will change overnight, no brave new world.

After 6 weeks in the new apartment I finally have a 2-pin extension cable and a matching multi-socket can muster, thus on the bedside table, not only the clock, but also the lamp current.

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darkscar @ 2008-11-25T01: 09:00

Waiting for the sleep, a wave that comes and go to bed with me takes the worry (at least over night) and brings relaxation.
What ultimately leads to sleep, exhausted by the fruitless wait is on this wave.
From an emotional, I sleep on a hard stone floor.

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War's it matter that can be everything, what comes next, when it's over ...

Next week I work my last days in ESPAS , then my work training and clarification of my work over. A final interview with the Disability found last week. Conclusion: There will be a rent review, their decision is expected by year end. It is likely that I will (I can not hear that term) because of my 'prejudice' get a disability pension of 50% (or perhaps 75%).
This is partly good, sometimes not ... In any case, I will the next few weeks, have plenty of time to make me think about my future (at least until the decision of the pension check I say vacation).

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Mantus - This world is soulless ...

Mantus - This world is soulless ...

And I look out the window at the streets of this gray city
Where is the paradise, which has promised the world to me
The emptiness burns in my heart glides silently through my head I
search, but I no longer ask for Satan or God
pass by people who do not know what to do with their time
life without content as a way out of loneliness
In silence are dreams and thoughts you want to die
no third kingdom, as they will not prevent a fourth
Every day I hear of murder and terror in the world
of war and peace that each end in a cemetery
Beka I once with that little girl is raped
I only knew that I'd kill the rapist on the spot
I do not ask more for the truth or reality
believe only in myself and in moments of tenderness
Because deep in my heart, the company is still foreign to
And will not change until one day the sky is burning
Where is the home that was once so connected
but I see no hope and I do not know where I belong
Even in my dreams they haunt me till death
Up even dreamed of paradise in me to sink threatens
And only when I close my eyes and think of you to
Did I give away thousands more love for life or
And suddenly makes sense again
every thought And I realize what I want and who I really am

And sneaking back to breeding a new depression
She comes almost every day since I began to think for themselves
And every man should be clear, the judge is
We are responsible for the suffering and misery in this world
yet I follow the path of rebellion and poetry
Before I sink into the very depths of my lethargy
And on the streets I see how the capital rules
materialism as a new sense of life
was never promoted the youth further away from the old
never have children forgotten how to dream faster
And sometimes I wish that the day will come at last
Where this planet loses its innocence nor last
And only when I close my eyes to think of you
Did I give away thousands more love for life even
And suddenly makes every thought
meaning again And I realize what I want and who I really am

This world is soulless, only in you I find solace
Hold me in your arms, let me never to go
This World soulless, only in you I find solace
Hold me in your arms, let me never again going to cry no more
laugh no more, no more love, not hate, not
dream, not live, only hope, prayer is the only ...
cry No more, no more laughing, no longer love, not hate everything,
dream no more, no longer live, but hope yet, just pray ...
This world is soulless, only in you I find solace
Hold me in your arms, let me never to go
This world soulless, only in you I find solace
Hold me in your arms, never let me go back

( video on YouTube )

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darkscar @ 2008-10-12T16: 55:00

So many thoughts buzzing around in my head. They claim area will be implemented and realized everyone thinks he's important and meaningful. Sometimes they almost hurt already. And collectively they threaten me to crush or tear apart.
try So I do one or the other, without ever really perceive an improvement, because it always shows up before a new thought that has just such a craving for recognition as the others.

Thanks again to banjakunoishi RF (f) . The card has arrived :-).

And in 3 weeks I'm already in my new apartment in Zurich-Höngg. I'm looking forward ...

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A night in the mine four

A night in the mine 4 - The Next Level
Hagerbach, Flums
10/04/2008
information on the event

-> Photos \u0026lt;-

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Afugrnud ...

Always fun - although I am not big on something fun grad Likes:

Afugrnud enier Stidue the elingshcen Cmabrdige Unvirestiät it is Eagle, Seth wlehcer Rienhelfoge the Bcuhtsbaen in eniem wrod. The eniizg wcihitge dbaei is the DSAs and estre lzete Bcuhtsbae on rcihgiten Paltz Snider. The rset cnan ttolaer Bölsdnin Indonesia, and it cnan raed torztedm onhe Porbelme. The ghet dseahlb, wiel the mneschilche Geihrn jdeen Bchustbaen nciht Liset sodnern the wrod as Gnaezs.

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darkscar @ 2008-08-15T01: 02:00

The revision, in particular the lack of sleep around the last days and weeks, demonstrated by an ailing immune system and thereby resulting sickly feeling. Overload total. That is why I stay at home tomorrow. I'm simply tired of this and see no point in my health to such a measure to bring clarification to play.


The photos of the anti-parade 2008 are now online:

-> Photos \u0026lt;-

And the concert Koraktor evening:

-> Photos \u0026lt;-

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darkscar @ 2008-07-26T15: 41:00

again I feel so empty, empty. Driven forward by the machinery of economic integration of the work IV. Future uncertain. I live in front of me and am quite active also in some ways (even much more when compared with other phases of my life), but much is ... insignificance and disappearing. as I would have all the time on myself and constantly clinging my soul, because otherwise I'll lose even ...

Adivarius , Týr (Metal-Gothic-Medieval night 3)
Medieval Week (Saturday evening)
-> Photos \u0026lt;-

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status 20,080,718 - What am I doing at the moment actually.

March, April, May, I was in Espases Zurich-Höngg for clarification of the work (already mentioned a few times here). Right after it, since June, I'm in Espases Richterswil for a work training in the IT sector. As I prepared but the major problems in computer science and I just do not see any future for me anymore, I try the whole thing in a slightly different direction to steer (and unfortunately do encounter some obstacles typical of the Swiss bureaucracy). And secondary education I would have liked to take - in the photographic field. But this I will be unfortunately hardly granted. The best we can get what I Entwined is a professional in a related work area. How is it defined and where the limits lie, but probably no one really clear. So I work me the next 3 to 4 weeks in the image editing program GIMP one (with the help of the book Gimp (version 2.4) ). Then I should get a Photoshop CS3 in order to continue working. A precise objective, it has not yet matter. Just make self-study and see how it's done here. Where should I meet at the time with 6 hours of attendance a workload of 75%. But that's just too much. I have to see that I can get back down to 50%, which will now speak to my psychologist.

Anything else I am still around Knipps somewhat increased. Here are two events that I had not even mentioned in LJ:
27/06/2008 ; steel disco 3
07/05/2008 ; soul massacre
(Not quite) complete list is as always http:// to find photo.borntodie.net / .

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darkscar @ 2008-07-02T01: 18:00

Delirium brings salvation.

Only the sleeping pill, it allows me to fall asleep at the time in bed, awake for hours to lie in bed and think about 1000 things. Sleep &
and peace ...

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No Future?

six weeks ago it is since my last entry. At that time I had more hope for a future career. Meanwhile, this is pretty withering away.
The first 4 weeks of the 6-month work training I had in the meantime behind me. And I can now say with certainty. A return to computer science for me is no longer realistic. For many hours I sat at my desk, unable to concentrate entirely with the idea somewhere else. Only I can not yet say whether it's the work itself or the work environment (people, location ,...). Now I look that I can the next 2 to 3 weeks to make a Photoshop self-study. The idea is then to find out if I can concentrate with this other work, I am better. If not, I'll be a case for the invalidity pension - which means, unfortunately, not that I get this also awarded. But if I work better with others clearly come, I know that I need a re-training - but this unfortunately also means not at all that they paid me the IV. And this is the great fear that I will pay the IV or a retraining or a pension. And then I was sitting pretty in the shit.
addition, increases the workload on Wednesday from 4 to 6 hours per day. This alone could put the whole work training the death blow.

This changes everything not alter the fact that I have in recent weeks with joy again photographed more concerts and other events with my EOS 450D . Many of the photos I will this week make the first online, because I have not had time to go through it.

The then come all to my photo page, http://photo.borntodie.net/ .
No matter how my professional future will look like or whether I even have one, take pictures I will not take me. The 3 months of work

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AK, AT

clarification are almost over. write in detail about it, I can not grade. But it has been worth it. Even if the thing long ago under way, but I am now one step further. From the beginning of June I'll probably start with a work training - in computer science. If the skin is not down, try the whole thing into a profession allied to mutate (eg media designer). The workload will be on top at 50% or 60%. In the course of the 6-month work training the whole is trying to increase to 100%. But I do not think this works - it has fortunately not, it may well remain at 50%. As part of this training I should be able to make some external computer science courses, their costs are covered by disability insurance.
It's not that I will definitely go this way now. I will only begin to follow it. And I will always have the option, but a little bit or even very tightly to branch in one direction or another.
Actually, I might very much space available, I could theoretically use ingenious. But one of the biggest struggles is still the one with myself

So, end that Zoldorm (another generic version of Stilnox) begins to seem more strongly.

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Canon EOS 450D

of today in my possession:

Canon EOS 450D with EF 50mm f/1.8
II

My first digital SLR - after I have photographed up to now with the Canon Powershot G2, which I had bought almost 6 years . I wish I had also taken an EOS 40D, but the cost but a few key 100 CHF more. I wish I had also taken a Nikon, I think their service and menu better than Canon. Unfortunately, there are currently no Nikon on the market, which in the laws under my financial needs as well as covering the Canon EOS 450D.
And a fast lens is almost mandatory for me, because I much in the dark taking photos (that I do without then also like to zoom or wide angle).

Maybe I do now by buying this camera again with more photos of my everyday life and make them available online.

For my website I installed a few days ago a subdomain for the photos: http://photo.borntodie.net/ (but only acts as a forwarder). There will be some time (one day when it's so far ...) a list of all the photos of last years to come. Until now only a few are linked in the past few weeks there - from concerts and events, which I recorded with a Nikon D70 (which I had borrowed MB (f) s mother).

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clarification action: Half

6 are the 12 weeks of investigation action is now over. The two task blocks secretarial and accounting functions are done - ever since the first day of the fifth week. The rest of the week five and six I have prepared a short presentation (basics of photography), which I have also held today. Subsequently, the same was the evaluation interview the dissolved test tasks.
secretariat functions: error rate of 0.97 per task, but about 125% more time needed. The error rate is said to be the best result that has been achieved in the last two years by a student. That I have more than twice as long as needed for tasks such as healthy, trained subjects was nothing extraordinary. Because I've finally learned computer and have little experience working in the Secretariat.
accounting tasks: error rate of 2.7 per task, only about 25% more time. Also in this area, I have also been completed on average - despite the lack of training.
That says so far, but only that I am basically a working (to a certain extent) humans have with apparently good methodological expertise. Since only half of the investigation is over, but this is not more than an intermediate result.

Even though my work done more than all right, but gives me some big problems. I always feel exhausted, fight with the energy and motivation (a long-term perspective, I'm still not - maybe I'll never ...). And these problems show up in the rest of life, my Sinking into the inner chaos. So the whole thing seems to me sometimes like a ticking time bomb.

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Power Shopping

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaa! The whole afternoon shopping! The throw earned money right back out the window! ! It's fun and THAT is my kind of mental stress

;-) Here are the achievements of the day:

mmmmmmmm =) next week so that work is bearable!

Schlaaaafhosen new pink!
leather gloves
nail varnish, make-up, lip balm Make-up, and cloth ......
Yaiiiiii, my new Converse booties in size 37.5! Ehm, did not know that there are also half sizes. It probably would have done size 37 also, but whatever ..... I really really really love them! That are occurring today and the same Springer-boots made exceptional time off * wink *

Joa, and so does my bed grad still should clean up!!

Oh, here are some pictures from last Saturday:


Sooo, I wish you all something! Take care! =)

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coffee romances



I should not drink so much coffee, which I get just a racing heart!! * * Gröhl



!

strapped If someone has what I'm up there mortised grad, then "chapeau" hehe, otherwise it will certainly get hot in the next few days: To be continued ........... .

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10th morning at half past .......

Well, actually ........ but rather by 5 clock in the morning Since going on here ........ we went to our beautiful town Carnival usher (Carnival). In return, a horde of rampaging urban residents made their way noisily and pulled through the streets and shouting. In this dawn ....... All dressed in white, devices with a pointed cap, and of course generate some noise. Yes yes ....... And I was one of them ................ We called the "Chesslete" should probably translates to something like German are called "boilers". This starts with us Carnival, a full week and people in the city state of emergency. And although many of my fellow human beings can delicious upset about it, I love it and I did not want to miss! It really is only once a year, so I'll give my best with all the drunken Idioten mithalten zu können  *kicher*..........

Hier einige Bilder vom gestrigen Morgen:

 
 

ach, und hier noch ein Poser-Bild von mir, abends auf der Piste:



So........... und jetzt sitz ich also schon wieder hier am PC und hab langsam ein bisschen Bammel. Denn in ner Stunde hab ich den Termin beim Chirurgen und der schnippelt dann an meinem Daumen rum. Und ausserdem bin ich schon wieder seit 6 Uhr morgens wach. Konnte nicht mehr schlafen. Erstens hat mich der Durst (Burnbacks) tortured (you know that, even if you dream that you sucking on a water bottle, but the thirst will not go away?) And secondly, I had so many thoughts in my head ........ . Unemployed ...... Tangled emotional life .......... And now I am seriously think about whether I should go this March with my colleague and friend for a month after Indonesia. OK, I really do nothing left for the country, and it has never interested me. Although I've looked at pictures on the internet seems to be but also very beautiful. And with these hippies I probably would not be boring ....... However, I would then definitely in February with work still to bridge and can still bissl money put aside. So I'm not broke, when I come back ......... Hmmmm, I again let me go through my mind and concentrated on myself now ......... times on my thumb and the holidays

Hello!

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Hello again!

Schölölölöööööööööö

Yes, I've become too lax here * slaps himself *........ But that's only on this but damn MySpace. I'm thinking again, to delete my account ....... But for now I wait another Momentchen .............

So, what have I else to report? Aaalso, the job was no good! 'm Still unemployed ....... I had the body while in a bag, but wanted to say I do not really know what's going on now, get the working conditions for me bla bla. And well, after I was put off a week, I got the end of week finally has a call from the wife of the boss, you have to cancel me. Okeeeeeeee ...... And the worst of it: When I held the receiver after the conversation ended in the hands, I had a grin on his face like a beetle ....... hihihi, I'm really glad that I have taken the decision. Now I will go and enjoy the carnival and I have new applications in stock, on a new one! * Smile *

Joa ....... Oh, on Friday at 09.00 clock I've NEN appointment with surgeons. My fingers turn must believe, must lie under the knife. What is not everything makes the beauty * giggle *

Here are the X-ray:



Sun, and today I'm going to dance with rock and roll and looking forward to a colleague I like a little child! Determined really great!

well in this sense ....... made my dears! =)

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Hello nice doctor

Hell, is today once again as a weary day ...... Have to read late into the night, and "The Countess Forest" by David Trodden ...... Mei, ich finds total spannend und kann mich dann kaum noch davon losreissen. Gute 4 Stunden am Stück hab ich gelesen bis mir die Äuglein fast zuklappten........

Jedenfalls musste ich dann vor dem Mittag auch schon wieder aus dem Haus, hatte nen Termin beim Arzt. Sone Scheisse! Seit einem guten Monat hab ich ne Geschwulst am rechten Daumen. Jaaaaa, da ist mir irgend so ein Trottel oder eine Trotteline drauf gestanden..... Beim Shining-Konzert....... Kagge....... Ich stand natürlich ganz vorne an der Bühne und da gabs ein Gerangel und plumps lag ich auch schon am Boden. Wurde allerdings sogleich wieder raufgezogen und hab mir auch nix dabei gedacht, immer schön weiter die Haarpracht geschwungen. Auf einmal allerdings tropfte meine Hand vor Blood and, well, kinda looked stupid, but not implemented properly. At home, have self heal and then washed out since then does not really ........... could

The doctor does not really help me. Has my thumb X-rayed and was still watching, obs possibly metal flakes has it. However, no mess was discovered. Since he was a bit perplexed ..... It could just be a funny scarring .... Well, now I get NEN appointment with a surgeon who specializes in hands is ....... Okeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ........ 'm Curious! At least one injury as an accident! hehehe

Sooooo, I'm going to devote a bit my new MySpace account. I'm long on the other hand resisted me to sign there. However, even not hurt ..... I'd just like to get to know some nice Leudde that are on my wavelength, my taste in music and share my thoughts .......

same reason my question: Has anyone here
of you even MySpace?

hihihi, this is my account pictures ......... lölölölölööööööööö

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include Year 2007 at

Hmmmmm, schlaaaafen can not, what a pain! But once again I have found work, will settle down the back. However, it will get less likely to give comment for me, but of which the world will not perish!

:-) Anyway, I'm in my old photo folders rumgegraben on the PC and have since so few finds rausgepickt. The purpose of this blog here is to you to show you how much I've strained my hair this year. And why right now I just the only way to how they grade ....... hehehehe, so then, have fun!

PS: Maybe you can give me so tips on what hair color best fits my type! OK * wink *

Here are some pics from 2006 and before, there were the hair looong time, black or at least dark brown?




So, then it'll go now to 2007:

JANUARY

have unfortunately not found more pics, which would be useful ......

FEBRUARY:

as you can see still dark brown ......

MARCH:

juhuuu, hier hab ich nach sooo langen Jahren der Verzweiflung endlich meine roten Haare gekriegt! Hab sie einfach mal selbst blondiert so strähnenweise und dann rot drauf geknallt...... Allerdings wars noch ein bisschen fleckig, da ich nur die obere Partie blondiert hab! War dennoch ganz stolz!  =)

APRIL:



MAI:

  immer noch schön rot, na ja, orange...........

JUNI:

... Still love it ........

JULY:

here again brown ......... I quickly regretted .... so I went to Frisööör to trim the hair a little bit and turn red. The result was shocking! I was totally dissatisfied

iiiiiiiiiii, too short, too dark, too little red! Hello?

AUGUST:

yessss! Here I found my Hair by far the hottest! =) But I had to lighten the upper part again, very unhealthy for the hair!

SEPTEMBER:

well, a month later washed out again .......

OCTOBER:

here with rusty hair
and then again sone weird color on it ... Have I ever sold out in the fucking colors. Was again more brown than red, and strangely enough I had to once again as dark spots in it ..... This is the way in Europe Park, Halloween! Genial! And because it was beautiful, here are more pics from the trip:


But sometimes I wondered then but if I ended up not more of a drug-GOA-Party:


NOVEMBER:!

tadaaaaaaaaaa, red again * grin *

DECEMBER:

and I'm about THE NOW!

So my ladies and gentlemen, I hope you had a good time, the chamber of horrors is now closed!

Aurevoir!